WHY BLOG? WHY NOW?
I never had a desire to start a blog because I didn’t think I had much to say, which is probably why my intent is to keep my musings private – at least for now. Before I was a runner, I kept a journal. I filled pages of colored books in colored pens about my new job, my college friends, my strong desire to be a mom, about realizing I was gay and having to tell my husband. I wrote about the girl who worked with animals who was unavailable, then became available, then became my domestic partner. Sometime between the start of that relationship and now it has been 15 years devoid of any written self-reflection. That’s a long time to ignore the voices inside my head especially in light of the vast changes in my life since then. In 15 years, I gained an enormous amount of experience at my first job, than watched that 60+ year old company go bankrupt. I tried to start a family without success, lived thru 9/11 only for it to be the catalyst that ended my relationship. I found myself single and free and was happily single and not looking when I met the woman that would ultimately be my wife. I worked at an amazing job that sucked the energy out of my creative process until they no longer needed my services. I planned a beautiful wedding for my sweet wife and discovered my true calling in the process. Yes, so much has happened, so little clichéd-processing coming from this lesbian. Shame.
Since joining Front Runners late in 2008, I have spent a lot of my runs and races running with other people and although it has a very distinct place in my socialization, balanced with everyone’s busy schedules, I think I may be using running buddies in the same way that I use to use headphones when I first started running – to distract me from me. My most recent marathon in Hartford was a solo act and because I chose to semi-race it, could not strike up conversations with other runners on the course. It was me, myself and I and it was amazing. I didn’t realize how much I had missed listening to me. To really listen and pay attention to what I had to say. I think everyone should do that more often. It’s because of my alone time for 4.5 hours that this blog came to fruition.